Inuyasha: The Random Stories!
by InuyashaSama19
Summary: This has a whole lot of random things. What ties them together? Inuyasha, of course! My first real fanfic
1. Inuyasha Meets FMP

Right, so pretty much I'm new at writing fanfics. I've made a FMA one, but couldn't title it. So pretty much what I'm doing is giving this thing a shot. I'm gonna be makin' this thing an Inuyasha rip off thing that I will try to make humorous, but no guarantees. I am usually called sama by my friends, but I have no other information that I care to share with you, other than my gf is moonlightdemonkita, and I love her to death.

Disclaimer and whatnot: I do not own Inuyasha or any of its respective characters, nor do I own Full Metal Panic or any of its respective characters. If I did, would I be writing a freakin fan fiction? I doubt it. I do however own Kai and Kita. Kita Mine, except for on the third Tuesday of every month. Then she belongs to Zoey.

* * *

Inuyasha was walking through the forest, staring blatantly up at the sky, and not really watching where he was going. Kagome was walking close behind him, followed by Sango, Miroku, Kirara, and Shippo. He suddenly stopped and looked to the side, everyone stopping abruptly behind him. 

"Inuyasha…what is it?" Kagome asked.

Inuyasha looked back at her, signaling for her to be quiet. "I smell someone nearby," he whispered. Suddenly, a boy with green hair jumped out in front of Inuyasha. Inuyasha fell back on his butt and looked at the boy, shocked. "What the hell are you doing?" he asked, jumping to his feet and unsheathing Tetsusaiga.

The boy just looked at him like he was stupid. "Hang on there," he said calmly. "Don't you even want to know who I am and why I've been stalking you?"

"You've been stalking us?" Sango asked, kinda upset.

"Umm…maybe…" said the boy with green hair.

"This man's more perverted than you, Miroku!" Sango yelled, and Miroku held up his hand.

"Sango, I'm sure he has his reasons," he said, looking to the boy. "Tell us, what is your name?"

"My name…it's Issei. Issei Tsubaki."

Kagome looked shocked and ran up to Issei and started examining him. "Oh my God! It's really Issei Tsubaki!"

"Who's this guy?" Inuyasha asked.

Kagome looked back at the others, who were puzzled. She smiled. "That's right, you guys have never had the opportunity to watch the show. I'll fill you in. He's a character on the popular anime series, Full Metal Panic? FUMOFFU." She squeeled. "Issei!" She ran up to him and hugged/tackled him, and he looked confused, and Inuyasha was pizzled.

Pizzled is a word commonly associated with the feeling you have when someone randomly pulls out a cell phone and calls someone, without warning or explanation, while in the middle of a conversation with you. It is a combination of the words pissed and puzzled.

Issei pushed Kagome off of him and crawled away from her. "Get away from me, woman!" he yelled, standing to his feet.

She went after him again, and tackled him to the ground again, and he pushed her off and jumped to his feet. "Woman! Stay away from me!" he yelled. Inuyasha pulled Kagome back and stepped up in front of Kagome.

"So what exactly was your reason for stalking us?" he asked, picking up where they had originally been.

"Well, I heard that your show is incredibly successful, yet very few people have heard of Full Metal Panic! Or Full Metal Panic? FUMOFFU. So I decided to figure out exactly what it was that got you guys so popular. It also seems I have figured out what the difference is. You guys…" he said, pausing for a second. "You guys have more advertising and you have a show on Cartoon Network!" he said, and the entire Inuyasha gang fell over anime style.

"Umm…could it possibly be that we have 160 some episodes and you have like 30?"

Issei looked at them stupidly, and started inching away. "That might be it," he said, backing up into a tree. Just then, a loud voice rang out from the forest.

"ISSEI TSUBAKI! YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!" the loud female voice exclaimed. Issei turned and ran from the gang and headed away from where the voice had come from.

"That…was weird…" said Shippo, and Kirara mewed in agreement.

"Indeed," said Miroku, who had already started to walk again.

At this time, a girl with blue hair and a red ribbon in her hair came running in, and looked around. She had a school uniform very similar to Kagome's, only the skirt was a little longer and the shirt was different as well. "Where did that bastard go?" she asked aloud, completely unaware of the presence of the Inuyasha gang. She turned and saw them. "Did you see a boy with green hair go through here?" she asked, and the gang pointed to the left, and she headed off in that direction.

When it all seemed over, a man sporting an army get-up dove in, landed in front of the gang, and pulled out a pistol and aimed it at them all. "Miss Chidori came in this direction. I have not heard her or seen her in a while. Please tell me where I can find her." The gang looked at each other, none of them knowing who Miss Chidori was. "I can describe her for you. She is a 16 year old Japanese female, approximately 162 centimeters in height, 36 kilograms, physically fit, accessories today include red painted nails, a red ribbon in her hair, and a school uniform."

Kagome looked at the man. "I think…she went that way…" she said, pointing to the left.

The man looked at her. "Thank you." With that, he set off into the forest, gun still drawn. Just minutes later, there was a scream from Issei, a gunshot went off, there was another scream from Issei and one from Miss Chidori, or Kaname. Kaname yelled out SOUSUKE! YOU IDIOT!" and Sousuke, the army dressed man, came running past the gang again, and Kaname came following him. "We have to get back to our show! What will they think when Issei has a bullet in his leg?" she was saying, following after him with a paper fan.

BIG sweatdrop all around for the Inuyasha gang. They started to ignore what was going on and began walking away from the scene. Once they got a little bit away, they all broke out into a sprint and ran as fast as they could from the area. They all stopped after a ways and looked at each other.

"What the hell was that all about?" asked Inuyasha.

Kagome looked at them all. "I have no idea."

* * *

Well, that's pretty much my first fanfic for ya. Let me know if you like it. If you don't, go ahead and flame. Not like I could stop ya. But Please review! I hate you zombies out there who read things and don't form an opinion! 


	2. FanDoom

Sama: Hello all. After much writer's block and whatnot, I have returned! My next installment is now here!

Inuyasha: Finally. I've been sitting here collecting dust.

Sama: Is Kagome dead yet?

Inuyasha: shock No…why?

Sama: Damn! Should've waited longer.

Kita: -hugs Sama- Yup, should've waited longer. -looks at Inu, who is shocked- he's a radical Kagome hater.

Sama: -hugs her back- Damn straight! But I can't write her out cuz that's just lame.

Kita: Yup, so you can just make her look stupid.

Sama: I don't have to try very hard…

Kagome: Hey! Shut up! SIT!

Inuyasha: -faceplant- What the hell?

Kagome: Oops! Sorry!

Sama: My point exactly…

Kagome: But-

Sama: Silence! Now that this shpeil is over, let the story BEGIN! This one is about two fans swarming the Inuyasha group. Enjoy.

Kita: You forgot…so I'll say it. Sama doesn't own Inuyasha, nor any of its characters. He does, however, own me (Kita) and Kai (himself). He also owns and has copyrighted the purple chicken that break-dances on the ceiling, and the rabid squirrel army. However, that's not important to the story.

Sama: It is now! changes story

* * *

Miroku and Sango, along with Shippo and Kirara, were walking away from the shouting coming from the woods behind them. It was, of course, Inuyasha and Kagome. Kagome yelled at Inuyasha. "You jerk! You have no idea how hard it is for me to sit by and yell at you to fight! Or to ride around on your back everywhere and rarely walk!" 

Inuyasha looked at her. "I'm the one who has to fight AND carry your fat ass around everywhere I go! And all you do is complain and sit me! I'm getting the worse end of this deal!"

"I'm getting the best end of this deal," said a voice from the trees. Both Kagome and Inuyasha looked at the red haired boy, who appeared to be 17, jumping out of the tree toward them. "I finally get to see Inuyasha telling Kagome the truth."

Kagome looked at the boy. "Who are…" she began.

The boy cut her off. "My name is Kai. I'm a fan of the show." He waved a tiny flag for a second.

Kagome went to speak again. "But…"

Kai cut her off again. "Silence woman!" he yelled into her face. "I control what surrounds you! You cannot disobey me!"

"What? You control the forest?" asked Inuyasha.

"No. I control…the squirrels!" He looked at them stupidly, then raised his right hand. "Sniper one, fire!" Suddenly, an acorn came flying by his hand, smacking Kagome in the forehead. She fell over with a large lump on her head. "Come to me, my Queen!"

Another demon, this one a girl, came jumping out of the tree. She looked about the same age, and she poked the unconscious Kagome. "Is she dead?"

"Nope, didn't hit her hard enough."

"Darn," said the girl.

"Come now, Kita. There will be other opportunities to kill her. Besides, if I did it now, I would lose all of my chances of having any readers."

Kai started walking off, grabbing Kita's hand and dragging her along behind him. "Inuyasha, keep up the good work! And if she pisses you off, kill her for me, eh?" He and Kita disappeared into the woods.

Inuyasha looked at Kagome, who rubbed her head as she woke up. "Where is that boy? I'll kill him!" she yelled. She was then pelted in the face with six more acorns, which were flying at high velocity. At this point, Miroku, Sango, Shippo, and Kirara were all back.

Kai and Kita came running back as well. "Kirara!" said Kai, totally blowing off the others and petting the neko. "Kitty!" he said with a big smile on his face.

Kita smiled at Kai, and went over and talked to Sango. Inuyasha, Miroku, and Shippo were still so confused.

Kai gave all of them each a little flag that said "Inuyasha" on it, and waved his own. "Now it's time…to party!" he said, as a purple chicken walked toward them all. It walked into a hut, and everyone, with the exception of knocked out Kagome, followed it inside. It was break dancing on the ceiling. "Break dancing purple ceiling chicken!"

Everyone sweatdropped. Kai went back to petting Kirara. "Kitty!" Another group sweatdrop. "Oh, Inuyasha," Kai said, suddenly. "You may want to go back to Kagome before my rabid squirrel army devours her." Inuyasha took off like a bullet into the forest. Kai just laughed. "My army will get him too."

Miroku looked over at the mischievous youth. "So why exactly did you track us down?"

"Hey, I'm just doing what the master tells me to. I don't ask questions."

Miroku looked incredibly confused, and Sango asked the next question. "Who is 'the master'?"

"That's easy. He's the one who is controlling all of us right now. You know, he's writing this story and making us all do what we're doing. Of course, he only does this in his spare time because most of the time he couldn't care less."

"Oh…" She looked at him. "So, who are you exactly?"

"I am Kai. I am a fire demon, a fan of the show," he waved the flag, "and an avid Kagome hater. Also, I am King of the Rabid Squirrel Army." Sango went to speak, "This is Kita. She is Queen of the Rabid Squirrel Army. And SHES MINE!" Sango backed away. Shippo jumped on Kai's head.

"So why do you hate Kagome so much?" asked the curious Shippo.

"Because she's an idiot and Inuyasha should be with Kikyou! Oh, and because I knew someone named Kagome once who acted just like this Kagome and I hate her. Also, who needs a reason? You all secretly hate her too."

The rest of the group was silent. Kirara mewed. "Kita, translate."

Kita looked at him. "Can you ask me next time?"

"Sorry."

"Kirara says that she hates Kagome too. Oh, and that Miroku needs to lose some weight because it's hard to carry him around."

"Amen to that. Miroku, you're looking kinda chubby lately."

"Hey, shut up!" yelled Sango.

"Now Sango, he's entitled to an opinion," said Miroku calmly, with some agitation hidden in his voice.

"What's that, Chubs?" asked Kai.

Miroku started getting a little angry. "It would be wise for you to watch what you say, Kai."

"Huh? Chubs? Speak up!"

Kai turned and walked out. "I'm gonna leave. Come on, Kita. We'll be back later, so be ready for us. We'll be back, with a vengeance. And next time, Kagome will die." With this, he grabbed Kita's hand, and flames surrounded them. The flames cleared, and they were both gone.

"Umm…what the hell?" asked Shippo, out of his usual little kid like character.

"No…idea…" Sango responded.

Kirara mewed.

"Shut up! I do not need to lose weight!" yelled Miroku, assuming what she said.

Kirara laughed all kitty like and jumped down from Sango's shoulder and trotted away all happy like.

* * *

Yup, that's it for chapter two. Kai and Kita make a fun little pair of people to terrorize the Inuyasha group, I think. Especially with the rabid squirrel army. Please review for God's sake! I have like one review for my other story and I want to know what to change. Even if you want to flame me, it will help me change my next story! 


	3. Kagome Kidnapped: Part 1

Sama: Well, I've returned to write another story. Yes, yet another chapter that will go unread. Why do I do it? Because I'm bored…why else?

Inuyasha: Because you hate Kagome?

Sama: That would give me less reason…

Kita: So that you can make Kagome look like an idiot and because it's fun?

Sama: Yup. But I don't even have an idea on what to write about.

Inuyasha: There needs to be more of me in it!

Sama: -wrinkles nose all "Bewitched" like- Granted!

Kita: You…forgot again…

Sama: I did not! I was just stalling is all…I don't own Inuyasha. It would be sweet if I did. I'd put him on a leash and build a doghouse for him. –inuyasha glares- But sadly I don't own him. I also do not own FMP? FUMOFFU or D.N.Angel. The only things I own are Kita, Kai, and my twisted Imagination. I also don't own Bewitched.

Kita: Can you just start the story?

Sama: -wrinkles nose- granted!

* * *

Miroku and Sango were standing by, watching Inuyasha tend to Kagome. "That bastard is going to pay for this!" Inuyasha said angrily. The rabid squirrels had gotten to Kagome. She now had the symbol of the army engraved into her forehead. The symbol strangely resembled an acorn and an "s" put together. Inuyasha growled lowly. "I'm heading out to find them!"

"That may not be the wisest decision, Inuyasha," said Miroku, in his usual I'm-so-much-better-than-you-because-I'm-a-monk tone of voice.

"Shut up, Miroku!" Inuyasha shot back all lame like. He stood up and started to walk off, when a fireball hit the ground in front of him and exploded. He jumped back and unsheathed Tetsusaiga. "What the hell?"

"Calm down, pup," came a familiar voice from the trees.

"Kai? Good timing. I was just about to hunt you down and kill you. You saved me the-"

"Silence, mutt. You can't kill me. By the time you would've finished your rant, I could've killed you and Kagome." He jumped out of the tree he had been in. He looked at Kagome. "I see that my army failed in their mission to destroy her. All they did was mark her forehead." Inuyasha looked at him. "I'm going to have to chastise them."

"Wait, you were gonna kill her?"

"Yup. I don't like that girl. She needs to die."

"Why didn't you come back earlier?"

"Because I was visiting Kaname in FMP? FUMOFFU and Daisuke in D.N.Angel."

Kagome started to move, and she opened her eyes. "Ugh…what happened?"

"Oh, you got hit in the head with an acorn and passed out for a week. Inuyasha kept you out here in the forest because he's an idiot, or because he finally has decided to hate you."

She glared at him, and looked around for a second before screaming. "OMIGAWD! INUYASHA! HELP ME! HELP!"

Inuyasha ran over to her. "Kagome? What's wrong?"

"SPIDER! KILL IT! USE THE WIND SCAR!"

Kai sighed, and walked over to her. "I've got it," he said calmly. His hand started to glow red, and he reached over to her and put his hand on her arm. She screamed loudly, and he pulled his hand back and smiled at her, in his devilishly evil smile. Her hand now had a large burn on it, as well as a fried spider welded to her flesh. "Kinda wish you had killed it yourself, huh?" he asked smugly.

"You bastard!" an angry Inuyasha yelled as he jumped toward Kai. "Iron Reaver Soul-"

"Too slow!" came a voice from out of nowhere, as a blur came zipping through the area. Inuyasha flew to the side and slid along the ground. Kita appeared in a flash next to Kai. "You owe me now," she said, smiling at him.

"I owed you a lot already," he said, smirking at her. He looked over to Inuyasha. "Which reminds me, Dark wanted to know how much he owes you for that 'special favor' you did him, Kagome."

Kagome sweatdropped, and spoke nervously. "I…I don't know what you're talking about!"

"Can it, slut! Kazuma and Kurz asked the same thing."

"I don't know … what you're talking about!"

"Let me refresh your memory. You went to the other shows, they took off your pants, and then they-"

"Shut up!" yelled Kagome, who was bright red. I'm not sure if it was from anger or embarrassment. Probably both.

"You whore!" Sango yelled, having been silent this whole story.

"You're worse than I am!" Miroku added.

"How could you?" Inuyasha asked, as if he were hurt. "You make me pay you in advance!"

"And now the truth comes out." Kai watched this whole thing unfold, quite amused by it all. "This is more fun than…um…well it's fun."

"I don't understand why you-" said a confused Miroku, who got cut off.

"Was I talking to you, Chubs?"

"Well…no…"

"Do not speak to me unless spoken to! Be gone, Knave!"

"Why you…Wind Tunnel!" he said, opening up the wind tunnel. Kai smirked, and raged a giant fireball in his hand. He held it there, and grabbed on to Kita. The fireball gradually got larger, and he looked at Kita.

"Now!" he said, and they both disappeared in a blur. Kai appeared behind Miroku, and threw the fireball into his back. Miroku flew forward, and his wind tunnel closed. Kita appeared behind Sango, in prediction to her actions, and grabbed her arm as she was throwing the Hiraikotsu.

"Tsk tsk tsk…what a shame. It seems as if you couldn't get your attack off. That's too bad." Kita said this with more than a hint of sarcasm.

"Why you…" Sango reached with her other arm, grabbed her katana, and swung it at Kita. Kita disappeared in a flash again, and Sango was free from her grip. Sango looked at a certain spot, which is where she was sure Kita would appear. She ran at it and swung her sword down, just as Kita was appearing.

Blood flew from the wound inflicted by the sword, and both Kita and Sango looked surprised. Kai had jumped in the way of the sword. "That wasn't very nice of you, Sango," Kai said, glaring up at her with his piercing red eyes. "You need to be punished. Take a time out!" he yelled, putting his hand up and blowing fire into her stomach. She flew back and into a tree. "Well, it has been fun playing with you all. But I'm here to take my slave and leave. Come, slave!" Kai looked over at Kagome, who came walking toward him. He grabbed her, Kita, and then they all disappeared in flames.

"Umm…what just happened?" Shippo asked, for his only line in this entire chapter.

"I don't know…" said Sango, who was suddenly no longer injured.

"He just took Kagome. Shouldn't we go after him?" asked Miroku, also suddenly healed.

"Nah. He can have her. She just gets in the way anyway." This surprising comment came from Inuyasha. Kirara mewed happily.

* * *

I'm gonna separate this one into two chapters, for the sole reason of me having writer's block at this point. I'll write again soon, though. Please review! I need the reviews! 


	4. Kagome Kidnapped: Part 2

Sama: I have returned to write PART 2! w00t!

Kita: I'm still confused as to why we took Kagome…

Sama: Jeebus Kita! It's a perfect time to make fun of her!

Kita: Ohhhh.

Sama: Yup. This should be easy. Anyway, short dialogue sequence this time.

Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha. Duh. I don't ownSpike Jones, either. Hell, I barely own anything in this whole freaking thing. I own Kai and Kita. That's all.

* * *

Sango and Miroku looked at Inuyasha. "You moron! You have to go save her!" Sango yelled at him.

Inuyasha glared back at her. "Feh, I don't see why."

"Because the Master will be displeased," Miroku said calmly.

Inuyasha looked shocked. "The…The Master will be upset with me? Dammit! I have to go save her! Stop wasting my time!" he yelled, turning and running off.

Sango just shook her head. "Inuyasha, you don't even know which way they went."

"No, but by running off in a random direction, I always catch her scent!"

Kai sat down in a chair in the center of a very large room. They were positioned inside a castle. He leaned back, and looked at Kagome, who had the mark on her head. "Come to me, slave," he said calmly.

Kita looked at him. "I'm not your slave!" she yelled. "How many times do I have to tell you that?"

Kai smiled. "I wasn't talking about you, dear. I was talking to our new slave."

She looked at him and blushed a little. "I knew that. I was kidding…"

Kagome came walking over to Kai. "Slave, I want you to just sit there and do nothing, just like every other time you were kidnapped and the people could have put you to use doing chores or something."

Kagome sat down and didn't do anything. Her eyes started to turn normal again. "Inu…yasha…" she spat out. "I have to return to Inuyasha!" she said, her eyes almost completely white again.

Looking at her, quite amused, Kai spoke. "No you don't. He hates you. You didn't realize that?" Kagome's eyes went dark again. "No, I'm kidding. He loves you." Her eyes started to turn back again. "And by 'you' I mean 'Kikyo.'" Her eyes went totally dark again. Kai started laughing out loud. "She is the most gullible moron ever, Kita!" he said between laughs.

Kagome's eyes turned completely white again. "Inuyasha!" she yelled.

"Stop calling out to him, idiot. He's not coming for you. I made sure he ran into Kikyo on his way here. He'll be completely distracted."

Her eyes went totally dark again. "Yes, Master."

"Good slave. Now I want you to go get Spike Jones for me." Kagome got up, disappeared, and came back four seconds later with Spike Jones. "You're too slow, slave. Now go cry in the corner." Kagome went and cried in the corner.

Kai applauded happily. "Yay! Play me a song! Play!" Spike threw his guitar at Kai and walked out. "Fine! Be that way!" Kai complained. "Slave! Come!"

"I'm not your freakin' slave, Kai!" Kita yelled.

"I'm talking to Kagome, Kita!" he yelled back.

Kagome came hurrying over. "Now. I could either toy with your mind some more…I could kill you, or I could make you dress up in kinky ways and take pictures," he said, smiling evilly.

Kita hit him in the back of the head. "No, bad Kai! Bad!"

"You could've let me finish. I could make you dress up in kinky ways and take pictures, then sell them to Inuyasha."

Kita laughed. "Yes, that would do. We could always use a profit around here because you're too lazy to get a job!"

"I'm not too lazy to get a job! I just keep killing all of my employers! I can't help it!" They had a little glare-off. Then, Kai turned to Kagome. "Now, slave, dress up in this outfit," he said, holding up a very kinky outfit. Kagome stripped down and put it on, and Kai cringed and gagged. "Oh my God! That's hideous. Jesus! I've never seen something so horrible!" He pulled the camera up to his eye slowly, and started taking pictures. "Damn. This is awful. But it's for a profit!" He took the last picture for the roll of film, and then he turned away quickly. "Get back in your clothes, slave."

"I'm already dressed, Kai. And for the last time I'm not your slave!" Kita yelled.

"Kita. Why won't you catch on? When I say 'slave' I am referring to Kagome. Okay?"

Well, during this whole thing, Kagome was getting dressed. There was a voice from outside the castle. "Kagome!" said a familiar voice. Kai snapped his attention to the wall as it broke down. "Kagome!" he yelled again, running over to Kagome.

"Jesus, Inuyasha. You couldn't have walked ten extra steps to go through the damn door?" Kai asked him angrily, holding his hand out and forming a fireball in it.

"Hah! Did you forget? I'm wearing fur of the fire rat!"

"Three problems with that. One: I can still kill Kagome. Two: An explosion isn't so much the heat as it is the force. Three: Your head isn't covered. I could blow your head off, or light your hair on fire."

Inuyasha reached over and grabbed Kagome. "Kagome! Come on! We've gotta go!" He tried to move her, but she didn't budge.

"Oh, I'm sorry Inuyasha. She's my slave now. Slave, come to me."

Kagome walked over to Kai, and stopped in front of him. "Yes, master."

"Kagome! Don't go to him! Come back to me!" Inuyasha stepped toward her. "Wait…why do I care again? Oh crap!" He ran over to Kagome. "Kagome, if we don't go, Master will be angry!"

"Master will be angry?" she and Kai asked simultaneously. Kai snapped, and the symbol on Kagome's head disappeared. Her eyes turned back to normal. "Where…am I?" she asked. "Inuyasha?" she asked, and ran over to him. "Can we leave now?"

"Sure. Let's go," he said, walking away with Kagome.

"Inuyasha, come back later. I've got something for you," he said, thinking of the pictures. He then quickly added in, "If you break another one of my walls, you will die." He watched them walk out, then sat down. "Oh my God! It's Gary Coleman!" he said, pointing to a random object. "Damn, I'm gonna miss having a slave."

"I can be your slave," Kita said, blushing a bit.

"No. You don't want that. Trust me. But you're still mine. I own you."

"O-kay then…"

* * *

So then, that's the end of Kagome being kidnapped. The Master made sure of that. Just a side note, the Master is not a person or anything, it is a higher being. Not the writer, me, or anyone else. Just something that's there. Please review! You people who read this and don't review suck! So please give me the reviews! 


	5. Chapter 5: Wtf?

Me: Hn, been a while since I've dusted off this story.

Kita: You don't have any other stories, so you didn't need to say "this"

Me: …thank you for that. Now, on to business.

Inuyasha: He sounds so formal. What the hell?

Me: Shut up, I have the power to torture you endlessly.

Inuyasha: Yeah? HOW!

Me: I'm the author. I can do anything to you as long as you're in my story. Like this. –lights his hair on fire-

Inuyasha: AHH! IT BURNS! –runs in flaming circles-

Me: Hell yes. Now, back to business for real. I do not own Inuyasha or any related characters, symbols, items, or so forth. In fact, the only real thing I own in this story is the story itself. And the disclaimer. Well, I own everything here that won't put me into a mess of piracy laws, we'll put it that way.

Inuyasha: HAVE MERCY!

Me: I think not. LET THE STORY…BEGIN!

* * *

Inuyasha had been acting strangely for the past few weeks. Everywhere that the gang went, he searched around as though he were expecting something to jump out of the forest and kill them at any given moment. He didn't act calm and collected, but he never did anyway. The thing that got everybody curious was the way that he attacked random squirrels. Sango and Miroku pulled Kagome aside while the half demon was busy attempting to slay a rodent. Not a rodent demon, just an ordinary rodent.

"You have to talk to him about it," Sango said, trying to convince Kagome to talk to Inuyasha.

"Why do I have to do it?" Kagome asked, not wanting to talk to him. "You're always making me talk to everyone, and always making him talk to me. Why can't you go ask him?"

"Uh…" Sango said, trying to think of a good response. "Because. I'm not going to talk to that psycho. Look at him trying to kill a squirrel," she said, motioning to Inuyasha using the Wind Scar repeatedly. "You're the only one who can get near him without him yelling something and trying to kill us…"

"She does have a point there, Kagome," Miroku tossed in, just needing to have his voice in the conversation somewhere. "Besides, I think it would be a good bonding experience."

"But, I don't have a whip or rope," Kagome said, rather confused.

"No, no, _bonding_, not bondage," said Sango, slightly shocked at Kagome's response, and also fairly amused.

"Ohhhh," said Kagome, now enlightened by this factor. She then sat down and watched Inuyasha attack this poor squirrel, while thinking to herself what she was going to say to him. _What can I possibly say to him? I can't just go up to him and say "Hey freak show, what the hell?" I need to think of a way to put it, because it matters so much that I word this completely insignificant event in the right way. Why am I even thinking like this?_ At that point, a new voice appeared in her head, in a seemingly schizophrenic moment. _It is because the Master wishes it._ She nodded, understanding completely, and walked over to Inuyasha, who was lying on his back, exhausted from fruitlessly trying to kill the squirrel, which ran away. "Hey…Inuyasha," she said, sitting down next to him.

Inuyasha sat up, looking over at her. "What is it?" he asked, upset because the squirrel got away.

_Okay, here goes,_ she thought. "Why have you been acting like a paranoid moron more than usual these past few weeks?" she asked blatantly. _Yeah, that's a great way to put it,_ she thought sarcastically.

"Because, that Kai person keeps trying to kill you, and keeps trying to kidnap you. Also, I need to find him so I can buy those pictures…" he said, looking at her to see her reaction.

"Pictures? What pictures?" she asked, having no memory of what had happened when she was under Kai's control.

"Uh, nothing. Nothing at all," Inuyasha said, trying to save himself from torment from Kagome.

"Oh, okay," said Kagome, completely gullible like. She moved over closer to him, and rested her head on his shoulder. He merely glared into the distance, as a voice came from behind them.

"Aww, what a cute couple. I give them 5 minutes until they start fighting again," Kai said, stepping out behind everyone. The group gave him a look of shock at what he said, and he looked at them with a half-glare. "What? You were all thinking it." Nobody had any objections to that, and he smiled. "Right, so let's get down to business. I believe you know why I'm here, Inuyasha," he said, pulling out an envelope of pictures from his pocket. Inuyasha dashed up to him, handing over a wad of money, as Kai handed over the photos. "You know, you're a sick bastard for wanting these pictures. I nearly threw up when I was taking them. Do you like to beat off to hideous women in ungodly revealing clothing? You probably watch fat people porn, don't you?" With that, Inuyasha hit him in the face, and Kai fell over backwards, looking up at him.

"Shut the hell up!" Inuyasha yelled angrily as he pocketed the film. "Mind your own business!"

Kai smiled, getting up to his feet. "I have the money, that's all my job was here. But, now that you've hit me in the face, I know have an obligation to kick your ass."

"What do you mean?" Inuyasha asked, wondering why Kai suddenly wanted to kill him instead of Kagome.

"It's the code," he said, looking at Inuyasha's non-believing reaction. "I'm serious." With that, he pulled out a small booklet, and flipped a few pages, showing it to Inuyasha. "See? Page 184, section 15, paragraph 7, line 2 clearly states that any harmful physical contact shall result in a prompt ass kicking."

Inuyasha pulled the booklet from Kai's hand, reading through the line out loud. " 'Any harmful physical contact done to the holder of the code shall result in a prompt ass kicking.' Wow, he's right."

Kai smiled, placing the booklet back into the pocket he had pulled it from, and then without any warning at all, kicked the hanyou in the stomach, sending him backwards into a tree. "Hm, I bet you I broke a rib or two with that one. Okay, we're even now," he said, turning and walking off. "Have fun with those pictures. Bye," he said, waving as he walked off.

Kita suddenly dropped in out of nowhere in front of him. "Where do you think you're going?" she asked, turning him around. "You can't leave now."

Kai stopped as he was turned around, and looked back at her. "Aww, why can't I leave now? I wanted to go plot some more!"

"But if you leave now, you'll lose the interest of the reader. Also, it'll be fairly hard for the Master to continue to write this story because we make things more interesting than just this bunch of losers." She looked around at the angry group members with a half-glare. "What? You were all thinking it." Again, no objections.

Well, during all of this, Inuyasha had stood up, and Kagome had run over to him asking about the pictures. "Yes, do tell her, Inuyasha," Kai threw in, smiling as he headed back over. "You paid a lot of money for those. Some of it you stole from her, I'm sure. So go ahead, tell her."

The mutt started backing up, away from everyone. "They're nothing. Nothing at all," he said, attempting to avoid the entire mess that was about to unfold. "Oh, look, it's one of Naraku's insects!" he said, pointing. Nobody looked, and the insect merely flew on by.

"We don't care about that," said Kagome, all angry like at this point. "SIT BOY!" she said, as everyone watched Inuyasha's face become imbedded in the ground.

"Wow, you don't even know what the pictures are of," remarked an amused Kai as he took a front row seat to the action. "Inuyasha, you're totally screwed when she finds out."

Shippo jumped over in front of Kai, bouncing up and down. "Hey! Can I at least have one line in this chapter?"

Kai smiled, and nodded. "Sure. You just used it up though." He then looked back over to Kagome and Inuyasha, who were both headed over toward Kai at this point. "Hm, Kita, new theory. Maybe we should leave, end the chapter now, and come back later to cause more mayhem when they're not blood thirsty."

"Agreed," said Kita, as flames rose up in front of them. When the flames cleared, they were both still standing there.

"Oh right…run away…" Kai muttered as he turned and ran off with Kita, thusly ending this chapter.

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Yes, yes, an abrupt end to this chapter. Why? Because I simply ran out of time and ideas. I'm not a time and ideas tree! Anyway, please review. I'm serious, I hate you people who read these things and then don't review. What have you got to lose other than 20 seconds of your time? I mean, you already lost plenty of useful time reading this, so you'd might as well waste 20 more seconds. 


	6. Kita Fights Inuyasha

Sama: Didn't forget about the story this time. Had a little two week camping trip and decided to write a bit.

Kita: Wasn't there something more fun you could've done?

Sama: Not with a horrific sunburn and hours of downtime. Also, I had a story line running through my head for about an hour one night when I couldn't sleep.

Inuyasha: That's creepy

Kita: And border-line obsessive

Sama: Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should be glad, Kita. I've decided to make you a bigger part of the story.

Kita: Well, get on with it then.

Sama: Hold on a second! DISCLAIMER TIME! I do not own Inuyasha, any of the Inuyasha characters, music, titles, respective logos, or trademarks. I own none of it! The only real thing here that I own is-

Inuyasha: Your obsessiveness?

Kita: Your sick twisted imagination?

Sama: …I was going to say Kita and Kai, but whatever. Let the story…BEGIN!

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**Break the Tetsusaiga!  
**_A Cheesy Inuyasha-like Episode Title!_

Well, it was just the same old story with the Inuyasha group. Take a guess what they were doing. If you guessed "wandering aimlessly through a forest while Kagome and Inuyasha argued" then you were correct. She was unusually upset with the hanyou because he was unusually stupid today. Kai and Kita really stirred things up lately, so the half demon was even more irritable than normal, and Kagome is an idiot, so it's a breeding pool of anger.

"What the hell did I do to deserve this kind of treatment!" Inuyasha yelled, getting up out of one of the small craters caused by Kagome's "sit" command.

"You're a jerk! Sit!" A faceplant from Inuyasha. "A jerk who saves my life countless times and yet I remain a thankless bitch who gets mad at you not 10 seconds after you save my life! SIT SIT SIT!"

Inuyasha dragged himself out of the deep crater, and tried to get to his feet. "That's a crappy argument! You just proved my point!" he said, with Sango and Miroku nodding silently in the background.

Well, since this entire argument is about as stupid as Inuyasha knowing the word "exponentially" in the third movie, Kai and Kita were going to show up soon to liven things up. But there has to be some kind of action where they jump in, because they wouldn't just walk out in front of the group.

Well, the Inuyasha group continued walking along aimlessly, and suddenly Kai and Kita were walking across a clearing in front of them, by complete accident. Kita was talking to Kai, and it didn't seem the red headed fire demon was enjoying the conversation much. As the six approached them, Kai's voice was the first they heard. "Kita, you know I don't have that kind of money," was what he said. "You may come from a Kingdom and have servants, but it's not where I come from."

"Well Kai, you've never told me…where did you come from?" she asked, a bit softer than his tone, but still loud enough for the others to hear. They'd all stopped to observe at this point.

He coughed a bit, looking around uncomfortably. "Well, Kita, when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much," he started, but was stopped by her hitting him upside the head. He smiled stupidly at his own joke, and she couldn't help but laugh a little bit. "Where I come from doesn't matter anymore…considering the entire place was destroyed when I was a child. I don't even remember where it was." Well that's a conversation killer, so at this point, Kagome spoke up.

"That's so sad!" she said, stupidly forgetting that Kai wanted desperately to kill her. Inuyasha unsheathed his Tetsusaiga in preparation for an attack toward Kagome.

"What's really sad is that I didn't plan on running into you today," said Kai, turning to walk off. "And it's even more sad that you won't just shut up and die," he said, directing it at Kagome.

"That's really mean, Kai!" This comment came from Kita, as she trotted off to catch up with him. "Aren't you going to fight with them like you usually do?" she asked, confused at what he was doing.

"Of course I am. Just gotta piss off Inuyasha a bit first." His voice was quiet because he didn't want Inuyasha to hear that part of it. "Well, it's a good thing we don't have to worry about that lowly HALF-DEMON attacking us. Wind Scar? Hah! It's more like "tickly feathery breeze" to me!" He yelled this so that Inuyasha could easily hear him.

The following reaction was exactly what Kai had been hoping for. "What was that!" Inuyasha yelled, the winds starting to swirl around his Tetsusaiga. "Wind Scar!" he yelled, shortly before swinging his sword and using the attack. The blast was just about to hit Kai and Kita, but the light was too bright and they were consumed by it, still standing there calmly at the last moment anyone could see them before the attack hit. "Hah! I got him that time!" Inuyasha yelled triumphantly.

However, a familiar voice spoke up from behind him. "I told you once, but I guess I'll say it again. Don't yell out your attacks before you do them. It gives it away and gave us plenty of time to get out of the way." Inuyasha wheeled around to face Kai, who was sitting down on a rock leisurely and looking over at the group. "I could have killed Kagome 8 times by now, and you'd have never known."

"I'm back!" said Kita, appearing out of nowhere and holding a bag. "I brought us donuts. We have plenty of time to eat them before this loser ever hits us with an attack."

"Goody! I like donuts!" He jumped up off of the rock and ran over to Kita, but as he'd planned, Inuyasha was not very happy. The hanyou dashed toward the pair, but Kai's emerald eyes turned to face him just before the Tetsusaiga would have cut him and Kita in half, but he still had plenty of time. His katana flew out of it's sheath and went right in the way of the fang. He pushed back against it, now in a sword lock with the dog. "Is this sword the only thing you've got going for you, half-mutt?" he asked, smiling.

"My sword is better than yours, at least!" replied the idiot, who began pushing back with all of his might.

"Ah, you'd like to think that. Kita, I'm getting bored with this half demon. I want to fight him as a full demon. Somebody here might end up dead though, is that okay?" he asked, as if she were his consultant or something.

"No! You're not allowed to kill any of the group members, or else we'll lose the readers we didn't even have to begin with!" This was the hundredth time she had to tell him that, but he still wanted to ask anyway.

"Well fine! I won't let him kill anyone," he said, his sword beginning to glow red. "But he's still losing this little fang and becoming a full demon!" He slid his sword along the blade of the Tetsusaiga, and pretty much effortlessly cut it in half. As the top half of Inuyasha's blade was in the air, Kai slashed it into several more pieces, as well as the bottom half that had still been attached to the hilt. In the end, the Tetsusaiga was no longer attached to the handle and was in 21 pieces.

Inuyasha's face was priceless with the amount of shock packed into it. Kai had just effortlessly destroyed his Tetsusaiga, and he would now turn into a full demon. His fangs started to grow out, and the striped appeared, and the claws, and the blah blah blah nobody cares.

Kai squatted down, picking up a slightly heavy rock. "Wanna know what this is for?" he asked, and got a slight nod from Kita. "It's for a concussion!" he said, throwing it. It bounced off of Kagome's head, knocking her completely unconscious. "Well, she won't be changing him back or telling him to sit." He smiled somewhat sadistically, tossing his sword back. "Yus! Now Kai gets to show off!" he said, referring to himself in the third person.

Yet, at this point, something unexpected happened. A blur crashed into Kai's side, and he was sent soaring into a tree that was about forty yards away, and he was now unconscious as well. "No, this is Kita's turn to show off!" The blur that had crashed into him was the one that had spoken, and it was of course, Kita. "You always get to fight him! So this is mine!" she said, unaware that she had overdone it and knocked him out.

Well, full demon Inuyasha wasn't waiting around for this, so he'd already started his assault on Miroku and Sango. Shippo's only mention in this chapter is this sentence which is now over. "Inuyasha! Knock it off!" yelled Miroku, who was trying really hard to not get sliced to ribbons.

Kita dashed over in a blur, and delivered a foot straight to Inuyasha's face before anyone had even seen her move. As the demon soared back, the girl followed him up, bringing a kick into his back. She then jumped into the air, delivering an axe kick to his stomach. Kita dashed back to the ground and kicked him to the side when he almost landed, and she continued to volley him in the air for quite some time until she was sure he was broken. She turned and walked off, as though nothing had just happened at all. She didn't seem exhausted or anything, and Inuyasha's body came crashing to the ground behind her as she walked away calmly. The others just sat there in awe, not sure what to do or say. The kitsune girl then picked up the unconscious fire demon, and disappeared in a blur.

Well about this time, Kagome woke up, with incredibly BS timing, just like always. "What…happened?" she asked, looking around. "INUYASHA!" she yelled all Kagome like and ran over to his nearly lifeless form on the ground. She clung to him, apparently forgetting that she was pissed off at him for some stupid reason. He didn't wake up, and he remained in demon form, and he would until nearly the end of the next chapter. But for now, this chapter is brought to an abrupt close.

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I'd normally say something like "Review please. I hate you stupid jerk wads who read this and don't take an extra 30 seconds to review my story" but nobody reads it in the first place so I can't expect a review. But if you DO read my story and don't review, I hate you and you suck at life. My next installment should come within a few weeks. 


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